“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time.” ~ Margery Williams, ‘The Velveteen Rabbit’
Lately, I’ve been telling anyone and everyone who will listen that 2013 has been the best year of my life. This surprises me. Measured in external goals met, it doesn’t appear that way. I used to be much more focused on art shows, art sold, students taught and mentored. What did I get done?
Being an introvert, I have always attended joyously to the inner journey, but this year was a deeper dive, the deepest ever, and this is the year that I claim that I became real. Well, I always was. This year, I knew that I was real. I came home to me, to my own heart.
I’ve been asked how I’ve “achieved” this inner peace, as if you can gain it like a prize! Life arrived with this gift for me and I took its hand and said yes.
These are things I know, not believe. Not theoretical concepts or outworn new agey slogans. Harvesting the wisdom from my experiences has led me here. It wasn’t all smooth. However, bumps were made worse by my insistence on white knuckling Life. Sweet relief to let go. I noticed how I was participating in any “problem.” I noticed how it was serving me. I chose to receive all the miracles life serves up constantly.
These all interweave, play off of each other and support each other.
You are one with reality. There is no “out there.” As soon as I knew that, cellularly, energetically, in my blood and bones, my sense of who I am expanded, shifted, has been doing loop de loops. Even those I have difficulty with are me. They are the best teachers! This Life really is one energy and consciousness. It appears that it isn’t. We appear separate. I think that it helps us navigate and learn on this plane. With each other as mirrors, we can allow others to take on roles and we learn who we are faster. “You” can never be separate! With this awareness of this wholeness is not a mushy-gushy woowoo lack of boundaries. With true wholeness comes a deeper solidity and surety of self. Wholeness doesn’t separate out and label opposites. You can be one and One.
I truly believe that Westerners have an addiction to doom and gloom, shame, fear, hard work. I think that these thoughts and frame of reference add to and create more of the same. Seeing “the world” as a problem to be fixed, thinking that we know what’s right for others is violence. Yes, I know darkness exists. I’m almost 50 and have been through all the various experiences that a life can hold. I was a hardcore activist for years. You name it, I’ve activated for it. I finally realized that I was worse off, in my thoughts and stories, than anyone or thing that I was trying to “help” or save. I was in fact, adding to the general angst of the planet. I noticed what was of the most concern for me to “fix out there” and found that within. Yes, I know darkness exists. Night comes. I relax, sleep, let go, dream. I don’t lament that the darkness is here.
Notice your habits around violence towards your own life force. We’re pretty sure that violence exists “out there.” We have laws to stop others from ending the life force of others. What do you do with your own? Do you sleep when you’re tired? Do you eat when you’re hungry? You feel like running? Painting? Speaking? Not speaking? Why aren’t you? Do you trust the little piece of life that is the individual you? Do you trust the way that that energy courses through you and enlivens you? Do you trust its (your) wisdom and intelligence? Can you be present with it (yourself) right now and see where it’s leading you?
Notice your habits around your stories and if they still serve you. Which mostly boil down to: “This shouldn’t be happening,” or “This should be happening.” You are arguing with reality. Painful, right? Do you really think that a fearful you knows better than the great big story/song/dance of Life (which is the real you)? If you genuinely feel called to be involved in activism, teaching, nurturing the world into being, you will serve better by coming from a place of love and an open heart. If you must tell a story, let it be a fun one, like this:
All this is happening for you. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t even have to show up. There is no way to not show up, there is no way to not be participating in Life. The planet spins for you and holds you at the same time, animals and insects are doing what they do, same with plants, cells, minerals. The stars and planets are playing their role perfectly. So is every person. The sun shines on you. The rain falls where and when it needs to. The other day we experienced a solstice. This dancing orb we live on literally knew in its circle around and with the sun that it was time to start turning back the other direction. How incredible is that? Your heart beats, your organs do their thing, you don’t even need to breathe!
YOU ARE BEING BREATHED.
In the story The Velveteen Rabbit, the rabbit became real through the force of the little boy’s love.